Feeling Like You Don't Know Who You Are Anymore? Here's What Changed for Me

I journaled something last night that I almost didn't know what to do with. It wasn't a clean, tidy reflection. It was me trying to figure out who I am now compared to who I used to be.

Twenty years ago I couldn't have told you this would be my life. I used to love black, everything black. Now my house is full of white, cream, and natural tones. I never thought I would care about keeping a home clean and consistent, or that I would actually enjoy trying to grow plants, or that I could put a room together and have it feel cohesive. That wasn't me.

Here's the part that surprised me. I used to not be able to pull myself away from work because of deadlines. I was single back then, I had all the flexibility in the world, and I wanted to be the best at what I did. That drove me. Now I still can't pull myself away from my work, but the reason has completely changed. I liked it before. Now I love love love this. I love my work. I love my home.

And somehow, in the middle of all that change, I am filled with joy and sadness at the same time. The joy is real. The sadness is real too, because of people I have lost along the way. I did not know a person could hold both of those at once and still feel steady.

I have changed since I started my own business too. I used to get so frustrated when things did not go the way I planned. Now I find myself appreciating what actually gets done. Today I had twenty things on my list. I knew before I even started that I would not finish all of them, and for the first time, that was okay. Claude, my AI, has actually helped me see that. It maps out my day and tells me straight up, you are not getting all of this done, here is what we can realistically do. It has helped me build in small breaks instead of running myself into the ground, waiting until the last minute to eat or use the bathroom.

The biggest shift is this. I do not have a 9 to 5 right now. Normally that would make me anxious, especially with a child to provide for. Instead I feel peace. I feel joy, I feel happiness, and I am genuinely excited about the future. Some days it feels like today could be the day my breakthrough shows up.

I am still figuring out what to call all of this. Maybe it is faith. Maybe it is growth. Maybe it is both. What I know is that the woman writing this is not the same woman from twenty years ago, and I am not scared of that anymore. I think I actually like her.

If you are in a season where you do not recognize yourself either, where the joy and the grief are both true at the same time, where the peace does not match your circumstances on paper, you are not losing your mind. You might just be becoming who you were always supposed to be.

Peace, Love and Joy always. Infinite Faith and Favor | kharisco.com