Why I Don't Miss My Old Life As Much As I Thought I Would

I did not expect this.

I do not miss my games. I do not miss my shows. Every so often I will turn on something like Dateline or 20/20, and the second I hear it is going to be about a murder, I catch myself thinking I do not want that in my spirit right now, and I turn it off. That surprises me every single time.

Here is what surprised me even more. The area I actually still struggle with is not the one I expected. I wish God would answer my prayers about sweets the way He has answered everything else. I wish wanting to work out consistently came as easily as walking away from things I used to think I could never live without. It has not. Not yet.

So if you are expecting this road to be easy, you are mistaken. But if you are expecting it to be unbearable, hang on, because I think that depends entirely on where you are coming from and what you are actually surrendering.

This is what got me thinking about Matthew 7:14 this morning. Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. That verse used to sound exclusive to me in a way that made me uncomfortable. If eternal life is free for everyone, why does it say only a few find it? It felt like the invitation was open but the door was somehow locked for most people.

I have been walking this road long enough now to understand what that verse is actually saying. The gate is open to every single person. The road is not crowded, but that is not because God is hiding it from anyone.

I never expected this road to be easy. Disciples struggled with it. Jesus died for it. What I did not expect was how peaceful parts of it would become, and how much I would not miss the things I assumed I would miss the most.

There are still moments I want to respond to something the way I used to. I have to hold my tongue more than I used to, especially when it comes to integrity. But holding it feels different now. I get to walk away without shame or guilt. I do not have to carry the weight of wondering if I hurt someone or said something I should not have said.

What I love most about this road is the hope built into it. I am not depending on my own strength, or waiting on another person to make something happen for me. My Bible Recap reading today put words to something I have felt for a while now. This road is the only one that promises true life, the kind where your success is not controlled by the world around you, where your feelings, your failures, and your relationships do not run the show. Peace and joy stay intact regardless of what is happening around you.

The devotional made a point that stuck with me. Just because something is easy does not mean it is what is best for you. Eating healthy over a candy bar. Saving your money instead of spending it at the club. Hiking a mountain instead of staying on the couch. Small choices, same principle, every time.

Then it said something that made me want to dig deeper. Jesus invites the entire world, but His invitation is exclusive, because not every path, religion, or good intention leads to God. That sentence is not comfortable. It is true.

Here is the part that matters most. We do not earn our way through that gate by searching the hardest, climbing the highest, or praying the longest. Jesus makes it clear in John 10:7. I am the gate. He is not one option pointing toward God among many. He is the entry point itself.

We cannot earn His love or His salvation. We can only accept the gift of grace already sitting in front of us and walk through it.

That grace is where I bring my own honesty back into this. I prayed about pornography. I prayed about sexual desire outside of what God actually wants for me. I do not miss either one the way I thought I would, and I am not writing that to sound like I never wanted them, or like this makes me better than anyone still working through it. A lot of us have been there. I just do not want anyone to feel like they have to hide there. Every once in a while a desire still shows up. I notice it, and then I move on. That is not a testimony about my willpower. That is what grace held onto over time actually looks like.

It is easier to scroll than to think about the deeper meaning of your life. It is easier to stay busy and distracted than to confess and repent. It is easier to dismiss God than to trust Him with your soul. The harder road is still worth it. The narrow gate leads to life, and there is no other way there than through Jesus Christ.

I want to be one of the few who find it. And I want to help lead others to it too. Including the parts I have not figured out yet.

Peace, Love and Joy always. Infinite Faith and Favor | kharisco.com