What Happens When You Finally Stop Doing Everything Alone

There was a moment somewhere in the middle of an impossible decision where I realized something that stopped me cold.

I was talking to God. Actually, I was talking at God. The whole time I was asking for answers, processing my anxiety out loud, going back and forth about where Jordan and I should live, what was the right move, what made sense — and somewhere in the middle of all of that noise I had to ask myself: am I ever actually quiet long enough for him to respond?

The honest answer was no.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Proverbs 17:22 NLT

That verse hit different this morning because I sat down to process how I was feeling — which is what I was actually prompted to do — and here’s what came out: I’m good. I am genuinely, deeply, peacefully good. And that surprised me to say because the last few months have been heavy.

I had to make a major decision about where Jordan and I were going to live. A move. A whole transition. And I did what I do, what I think a lot of us do when we’re raising kids on our own or building something on our own or just living life without a partner in the room: I put my head down and pushed through. I made lists. I weighed options. I second-guessed myself into a full spiral.

And then my best friend said something to me that I’ve been chewing on: ask God for his strength, ask for his guidance, ask for your steps to be ordered, ask him to make the decision. Then stop. And listen.

That’s where I went quiet.

Because the truth is I had been calling on God, but I hadn’t been giving him space to respond. I was making it a monologue when it was always supposed to be a conversation.

The thing about single life, single parenting, solopreneurship — any version of doing life where you are the primary decision-maker — is that it trains you to be self-sufficient in a way that can quietly become a barrier to actually trusting God. You get good at figuring it out. And figuring it out can start to crowd out asking and waiting.

I caught that in myself this morning. Not with shame. With clarity.

I am still in transition. The move happened, we’re settling in, and there are still things in motion. But I’m light. I have my peace. My mom is feeling better. I get to see her this weekend. I woke up this morning and looked at the sky from where I lay in my room and I felt something I hadn’t felt in months: uncomplicated joy.

Second-guessing doesn’t serve us. It really doesn’t. It took me a while to believe that, but I lived the proof of it. All the anxiety, all the going back and forth — the situation still resolved. God was still in it. The second-guessing just cost me peace I didn’t need to spend.

If you’re in the middle of a decision right now, I want to offer you the thing I wish someone had handed me sooner: ask God, yes. Make your request known. Be honest. Be specific. And then go quiet. Actually quiet. Long enough to hear something.

He responds. He directs. He orders steps that we cannot see from where we’re standing.

We just have to stop talking long enough to find out.

Peace, Love and Joy always — Infinite Faith and Favor | InfiniteFaithandFavor.com